Fun With Numbers!

Lately I've been fiddling around with some rating systems I found to attempt to ascribe a rating (based on the passer rating) to other positions - namely running back and wide receiver (and the receiving portion of tight ends, at the least). They, of course, come with a host of limitations, which I will write about soon, but I wanted to at least get something written. It has been a lot of fun. It has also given me a chance to dick around in Excel and find a shitload of functions that I wasn't even aware of (not that that takes much). Anyway, as the project nears completion, I'll try to put up more about it (methodology, limitations, interesting findings, etc.), and I'll even upload the Excel files if the site will let me.

For All The Dads Out There...? Nope, Just For Me

A few months ago, I was passed along a blog that my wife had come across that was “for all the moms out there.”

This is my attempt at an addendum to that piece, because it was fantastic.

I don’t write this for “all the dads out there,” because I wouldn’t pretend to speak for the experience of all, or even most, other men. We all have our own visions, experiences, goals, dreams, values, morals, and views on what being a father even means. But I can at least shed light on my experience.

Every day is a struggle. Not in the sense of struggling to keep a roof over our heads or keeping food on the table; the type of struggle most people refer to when using that phrase. No, my struggle is an internal one. One where my actions and outcomes are at odds with my goals. I’m constantly asking myself, “what kind of example am I setting for my kids?” Not because I’m doing things that are immoral or that most would condemn, but because I’m not making the most of my life. I’m not living up to the words I speak.

When I began writing this piece, I was working a rather menial job. I would think to myself, “I have a master’s degree and am in a job that can be performed by damn near anyone. I’m earning a middling income. Because of my work hours, I not only do I not see my kids in the morning, but I don’t get to help and support my wife in raising them. Not that I think it’s OK to not be around, but at the very least I would find it slightly more acceptable if I were making boatloads of money.”

Even now, my goals, both professionally and personally, are set much higher, but I feel like I don’t know how to reach them. I want to feel fulfilled through what I’m doing, while providing a financial environment for my family that provides comfort and, hell, excess if possible.

I know there is untapped potential and that I can do so much better for myself and my family.

But getting away from my own inadequacies and back to the point at hand.

I want to raise intelligent, curious, assertive, conscientious, thoughtful, tough, resilient children. I want them to experience success, joy, opportunity, all the things parents want for their children. In some sense, I never want them to feel pain. As Joe Rogan puts it, I want to “Nerf the world.”

But I also want them to experience failure, disappointment, rejection, and yes, pain. To know that, while if they work their ass off for something they can achieve it, that does not guarantee that they will achieve it. And that that’s OK. That it doesn’t mean to simply not try.

There are stories and anecdotes abound about authors, sports stars, movie makers, and more who failed time and again before they finally got their big break. And while these stories are shared ad nauseum, often in trite motivational memes in an effort to get people moving, they also serve to show that failure is frequent, it is probably inevitable, it is definitely OK, and I might dare say even required for success. We simply can’t Nerf the world – not only because of feasibility, but because in doing so, we are doing our kids a disservice.

I don’t want them to fail for the sake of it. I want them to fail because the time isn’t right. I want them to fail because sometimes things just don’t work out, despite your best efforts. I want them to fail because maybe they didn’t actually work hard enough to earn it. But I also want to be there to grab them, hold them tight, wipe away their tears, and tell them, “it’s OK. Get up and try again.” And, even more importantly, to know that they will. And to know that every time after that, I won’t even have to tell them.

It’s hard. Good lord, is life hard. You’re juggling the responsibilities to your family (financial, emotional, physical) with your own personal and professional goals. Yes, you have to put your own wants and needs on the backburner, because your kids’ needs come first. But a better you also ultimately equals a better them. When you’re not feeling fulfilled yourself, it becomes that much harder to make those around you feel fulfilled, and help them be the people they want to be.

But every time I think about how “hard” life is, I am reminded of the quote by Sydney Harris, “when I hear somebody say ‘life is hard,’ I’m tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?’” Yes, life is hard. But it’s hard for everyone (harder for some than others, yes). But, I think there is an important teaching point in there for the children – you’re going to have to work damn hard to get what you want. Resilience, fortitude, creativity, passion – you’ll need all of it, and more, to live the life you want.

Sometimes you look at them and it seems like they’re never going to get older. They’re always going to be that age. And then they do something that reminds you they’ll never be this age again.

So grab it, cherish it, immerse yourself in it. It’s easy to lose sight of that. Our frustration and anger often come when there is a misalignment between our expectations and the present reality. The kid isn’t going to sleep like they’re supposed to, they’re not listening, they’re not eating. Remember that your timeline is not theirs. Remember that they are trying to figure this all out, too. And most of all, remember that you love them and losing your patience does no one any good.

Someday, maybe, I will be able to make it reality. Until then, I struggle on…