Enjoy Every Sandwich

I've tried to employ this mantra on a daily basis - attempting to live in the moment, every moment. Obviously it means to enjoy and savor your food as if it might be your last, but it also means to live in every moment. Not worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow, not worrying about that coworker that pissed you off yesterday. Because in life, that's all we have. What is directly in front of us. If we spend all that time constantly off somewhere else (mentally at least), what are we doing?
Don't misunderstand me, not every moment is going to fit into the popular definition of enjoyable or pleasurable. Nor should it be. In fact, if you are pursuing a fulfilling life, there well may be many moments that are quire unpleasant, and by your own choosing. But if you are along for the ride, if you are aware of the process and aware of the now, there's no reason you can't enjoy it.

Fun With Numbers!

Lately I've been fiddling around with some rating systems I found to attempt to ascribe a rating (based on the passer rating) to other positions - namely running back and wide receiver (and the receiving portion of tight ends, at the least). They, of course, come with a host of limitations, which I will write about soon, but I wanted to at least get something written. It has been a lot of fun. It has also given me a chance to dick around in Excel and find a shitload of functions that I wasn't even aware of (not that that takes much). Anyway, as the project nears completion, I'll try to put up more about it (methodology, limitations, interesting findings, etc.), and I'll even upload the Excel files if the site will let me.

For All The Dads Out There...? Nope, Just For Me

A few months ago, I was passed along a blog that my wife had come across that was “for all the moms out there.”

This is my attempt at an addendum to that piece, because it was fantastic.

I don’t write this for “all the dads out there,” because I wouldn’t pretend to speak for the experience of all, or even most, other men. We all have our own visions, experiences, goals, dreams, values, morals, and views on what being a father even means. But I can at least shed light on my experience.

Every day is a struggle. Not in the sense of struggling to keep a roof over our heads or keeping food on the table; the type of struggle most people refer to when using that phrase. No, my struggle is an internal one. One where my actions and outcomes are at odds with my goals. I’m constantly asking myself, “what kind of example am I setting for my kids?” Not because I’m doing things that are immoral or that most would condemn, but because I’m not making the most of my life. I’m not living up to the words I speak.

When I began writing this piece, I was working a rather menial job. I would think to myself, “I have a master’s degree and am in a job that can be performed by damn near anyone. I’m earning a middling income. Because of my work hours, I not only do I not see my kids in the morning, but I don’t get to help and support my wife in raising them. Not that I think it’s OK to not be around, but at the very least I would find it slightly more acceptable if I were making boatloads of money.”

Even now, my goals, both professionally and personally, are set much higher, but I feel like I don’t know how to reach them. I want to feel fulfilled through what I’m doing, while providing a financial environment for my family that provides comfort and, hell, excess if possible.

I know there is untapped potential and that I can do so much better for myself and my family.

But getting away from my own inadequacies and back to the point at hand.

I want to raise intelligent, curious, assertive, conscientious, thoughtful, tough, resilient children. I want them to experience success, joy, opportunity, all the things parents want for their children. In some sense, I never want them to feel pain. As Joe Rogan puts it, I want to “Nerf the world.”

But I also want them to experience failure, disappointment, rejection, and yes, pain. To know that, while if they work their ass off for something they can achieve it, that does not guarantee that they will achieve it. And that that’s OK. That it doesn’t mean to simply not try.

There are stories and anecdotes abound about authors, sports stars, movie makers, and more who failed time and again before they finally got their big break. And while these stories are shared ad nauseum, often in trite motivational memes in an effort to get people moving, they also serve to show that failure is frequent, it is probably inevitable, it is definitely OK, and I might dare say even required for success. We simply can’t Nerf the world – not only because of feasibility, but because in doing so, we are doing our kids a disservice.

I don’t want them to fail for the sake of it. I want them to fail because the time isn’t right. I want them to fail because sometimes things just don’t work out, despite your best efforts. I want them to fail because maybe they didn’t actually work hard enough to earn it. But I also want to be there to grab them, hold them tight, wipe away their tears, and tell them, “it’s OK. Get up and try again.” And, even more importantly, to know that they will. And to know that every time after that, I won’t even have to tell them.

It’s hard. Good lord, is life hard. You’re juggling the responsibilities to your family (financial, emotional, physical) with your own personal and professional goals. Yes, you have to put your own wants and needs on the backburner, because your kids’ needs come first. But a better you also ultimately equals a better them. When you’re not feeling fulfilled yourself, it becomes that much harder to make those around you feel fulfilled, and help them be the people they want to be.

But every time I think about how “hard” life is, I am reminded of the quote by Sydney Harris, “when I hear somebody say ‘life is hard,’ I’m tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?’” Yes, life is hard. But it’s hard for everyone (harder for some than others, yes). But, I think there is an important teaching point in there for the children – you’re going to have to work damn hard to get what you want. Resilience, fortitude, creativity, passion – you’ll need all of it, and more, to live the life you want.

Sometimes you look at them and it seems like they’re never going to get older. They’re always going to be that age. And then they do something that reminds you they’ll never be this age again.

So grab it, cherish it, immerse yourself in it. It’s easy to lose sight of that. Our frustration and anger often come when there is a misalignment between our expectations and the present reality. The kid isn’t going to sleep like they’re supposed to, they’re not listening, they’re not eating. Remember that your timeline is not theirs. Remember that they are trying to figure this all out, too. And most of all, remember that you love them and losing your patience does no one any good.

Someday, maybe, I will be able to make it reality. Until then, I struggle on…

Satisfaction

Being able to resist short-term satisfaction is very hard for a variety of reasons. While I won't pretend to know the science behind it, from an evolutionary perspective, it makes perfect sense. In the past, if we decided to fulfill a short-term interest that didn't coincide with survival, such as finding food, we were quickly met with, at best, sharp hunger pangs, and at worst, death via starvation. However, we now have nearly every facet of the bottom rung of Maslow's hierarchy of needs at our fingertips. We no longer have to forgo other urges in order to feed ourselves. The food is readily available. It becomes paramount that you develop the discipline to stave off what Seth Godin refers to as the "lizard brain." It's fear that will masquerade as boredom. It's that voice telling you you have better things to do. That you can't/won't make a difference.
You have to identify what it is that causes you issues and cut it off at the pass. The internet, as great as it is for connecting us and providing information, also provides a great "escape" and avenue for sucking away time. You may have to disconnect your internet. There are even programs you can get that will do it for you at certain blocks of time that you set. You may have to somewhere that doesn't have internet access. Whatever it takes.
Plan your day. Taking the time to plan your day and then having the discipline to follow it through will make a world of difference. I don't remember which business book or blog I read it in, but one of the best pieces of advice I've seen is, "you should never wonder what to do next." Have a backlog of ideas and projects and things to do. This doesn't just mean busywork (though sometimes that's necessary). It means have your meaningful work scheduled, lined up, and ready to go, then carry it out.

Atheism Should End Religion, Not Replace It

This was a fantastic piece Penn Jillette penned (no pun intended) for the New York Times a few years ago. Really well written. I'm not quite as hardcore anti-religion as Penn, as I feel that whatever gives someone comfort and some sort of compass is fine, so long as it doesn't entail hurting others. But, he does make salient points, many of which are beyond the scope of this article. In any event, here it is:

Religion cannot and should not be replaced by atheism. Religion needs to go away and not be replaced by anything. Atheism is not a religion. It’s the absence of religion, and that’s a wonderful thing. 

Religion is not morality. Theists ask me, “If there’s no god, what would stop me from raping and killing everyone I want to.” My answer is always: “I, myself, have raped and killed everyone I want to ... and the number for both is zero.” Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality. Morality is not bribery or threats. Religion is bribery and threats. Humans have morality. We don’t need religion. 

Religion is faith. Faith is belief without evidence. Belief without evidence cannot be shared. Faith is a feeling. Love is also a feeling, but love makes no universal claims. Love is pure. The lover reports on his or her feelings and needs nothing more. Faith claims knowledge of a world we share but without evidence we can share. Feeling love is beautiful. Feeling the earth is 6,000 years old is stupid. 

Religion is often just tribalism: pride in a group one was born into, a group that is often believed to have “God” on its side. We don’t need to replace tribalism with anything other than love for all humanity. Let’s do that, okay?

Religion also includes fellowship, joy, compassion, service and great music, and those can be replaced by ... fellowship, joy, compassion, service and great music. 

Atheism is the absence of religion. We don’t really need atheism. We just need to get rid of religion.

You can go read the piece yourself here. 

Back into the Swing?

As life has been ridiculously busy, blogging has, of course, been pushed to the very furthest back of the burners. However, as always, I have thoughts rolling around in my head that I feel like getting down when I can. I've also been video blogging (vlogging I believe the kids are calling it these days), which I will get around to posting at some point. In any event, I was reading a bit of Lyle McDonald's treatise on Training the Obese beginner, which can be found on his website. As Lyle always is, he is quite thorough, but one point he makes (and makes often if you've read his stuff, visited his forums, etc.) is that obese beginners simply aren't capable or up to training with any great intensity very frequently. And yet, this is what you repeatedly see dipshit trainers doing ALL. THE. TIME.

 It's quite funny to me to see, because that was something that occurred to me long ago, really before I ever trained my first client. I'm not going to claim I had figured out all the variables at that point, nor that I have now, but meeting the trainee where they are seems like a pretty straightforward and obvious point to be made. And yet, it's a mistake that you routinely see people make. 

Yes, working harder makes you tired and feel like you did something. And yes, it also will make you not particularly want to do it again any time soon. The point I always make to people wanting to start an exercise regimen is, first and foremost, to find something they enjoy doing. Because if they enjoy doing it, they will do it more often. And doing it more often is what is most important, especially at first. Again, even a few moments spent thinking should alert the trainer to this fact.

I guess, getting down to it, the thing that pisses me off the most is that this is what is presented in the mainstream as the way to go. Look at shows like Biggest Loser, look at magazines, look at class offerings at any gym ("boot camps", etc.), and it all reinforces the idea that one must kill themselves to realize their weight and fat loss goals. And, in the short term, it may work. But for long-term adherence, it sure as shit won't for most.

And thus endeth my rant.

Update

Haven't updated because there hasn't been much to update in the way of training. Time has been extremely limited, though I would like to try to make writing a part of the routine, if only a few times per week. Certainly have plenty rolling around in my head, but very little time to spit it out on paper (or screen, as it were).