I Don't Know

One of the things I struggle with (which is readily apparent if you've read nearly anything else I've written), is the realization that there is still a great deal I don't know, even within the field I've spent a decade plus investigating and practicing. And the reality, of course, is that I will never know it all. No matter how much time I spend reading, watching, listening, and doing, I will never know, understand, or realize it all. And all of that comes into even greater focus when reading coaches like Stuart McMillan and Dan Pfaff acknowledge that they don't have all the answers, either.
So imagine my frustration and anger when I see people speak with such certainty on many matters political, sociological, psychological, economic, medical, and so forth, despite having very little (if any) experience, knowledge, aptitude, or background in any of those areas (though, admittedly, extensive experience is not a prerequisite for expertise, but I digress).
Why are we afraid to admit we don't know something? I used to spend far too much time wrapped in debate, particularly on subjects I had little more than a passing knowledge of, but plenty of opinion. Over time, I was no longer young enough to know everything (thanks Oscar Wilde!), and began to simply step back and step away from debate. Quite simply, nuance is too often absent, and it is usually driven by opinion and emotion, rather than reason and patience. No one is there to listen, and everyone is just waiting their turn to talk.
Discussion, conversely, is where progress is made. If people are willing to recognize the gaps in their knowledge, and actually learn from others (assuming the points being made have basis in fact, or are at least based on solid theoretical grounds), we can actually move forward. Instead, too often we spin ourselves round in circles, into the dirt, yelling over one another.

"The whole problem of the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves, while wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

Moving Forward

Every day gets me closer to understanding just what the hell I'm doing with this training thing; that is, what the training process means and how to better influence it, both in the short and long term. However, it also requires that I'm willing to put myself out there and test these theories. The best concepts mean nothing if they are not put into practice. This means being willing to be wrong, but also being willing to acknowledge when I'm wrong and change course. Then, using these incorrect avenues as teaching moments for myself to illuminate gaps in my knowledge, and hopefully prevent myself from making the same mistake again. The second half of this is the important part; it is not simply enough to acknowledge a mistake - you must do your best to keep it from being repeated. We can't possibly see every possible outcome, but we need to do our best to try. Use the data to inform decision making moving forward.

The Mind Killer

Once again, I'm going to give daily writing a try. I've been recently inspired by my friend Ryan Esdohr, who is upping his writing game. As usual, the only reason for me not to do this is laziness. Do I have plenty of other time commitments? Sure. But I can fit this in, if desired.
The sole motivator for me the last few days has been the number of blog posts/social media shares/articles/etc. simply slapping me in the face, telling me to move forward in spite of doubt. Stuart McMillan puts out fantastic training-related material, but, in my opinion, his daily Instagram posts (some of which have a training bent) have been even more valuable to me. He seems to let you in to the doubt he feels, and the mindset that he approaches things with. The knowledge that, while he doesn't have all the answers, he has a lot, and the mindset to find the ones he doesn't have. This speaks to me so loudly, I have to be willing to put ego aside and move forward. Don't fear being wrong. Don't fear what others will say. Fear doing nothing. Fear is the mind killer. 

"A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once." -Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Training Update

After cutting for the last ~6 weeks, I've decided to go ahead and officially end the diet for the time being (I say "officially" because there were some weekends in there where things got out of hand). I'm not as lean as I had hoped, but I definitely got a bit leaner. I'll perform a 2 week diet break using Lyle McDonald's macro recommendations from Guide to Flexible Dieting to set intakes. I'll re-assess after the 2 weeks whether I want to cut a bit further or start to bulk. Daily macros come out to:
P: 172
C: 272
F: 74

My plan is to "borrow" some calories from carbs and fat to get to 200 grams of protein daily. Undoubtedly some days will not be precisely to plan, but I should be able to remain relatively on track. Goals are to diversify my intake such that I'm not eating the same thing every day. Changing up and getting calories from many different protein, carb, and fat sources.

Upper body training going forward will continue with the modified "How I Would Westside" article written by Chad Wesley Smith, while I will continue with my lower body training as before, which is centered around power and submaximal poundages. I managed to squat 315 quite easily, with no psyche up, utilizing this method. I think, moving forward, with maintenance or excess calories, I should be able to continue to progress. I also plan to add in running to work toward a sub-20 minute 5k next summer. I will, for the time being, focus on a combination of slow mileage and Charlie Francis-inspired tempo runs, while slowly adding in longer runs on weekends when possible. We'll see how it goes.

Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

If there's one thing that continually pops up when reading, listening, and learning from the various sources I pull from, it's that we must seek out and get comfortable being uncomfortable. That discomfort is where the improvement is made. It's where we are afraid to push ourselves, because we don't want to be uncomfortable. We rationalize it and tell ourselves there is nothing to be gained from it. In reality, we know that, on the other side is improvement (in some form). But we don't know just how uncomfortable it will be, or for how long, or how much improvement to expect. So rather than pushing to find out, we sit in our bubble, staying comfortable, minimally changing. Find where you're uncomfortable, and start pushing to get there. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It's the only way to get better. And once you do it, keep doing it. Obviously your bar for "uncomfortable" will change; this doesn't change the fact that what becomes uncomfortable must be the new standard.
I'm reminded of Angela Coon, on the Charlie Francis message board, noting that when she felt least like doing contrast showers was when she needed them most. The same is often true of mobility work, "core" work, stability, you name it. Neglecting something because you don't feel like doing it (or because you suck at it) is the surest way to guarantee you won't get better at it; and, in reality, likely will end up suffering for it (and suffering more than you will just doing the thing you don't want to).

“I don’t think you should just do what makes you happy. Do what makes you great. Do what’s uncomfortable and scary and hard but pays off in the long run…let yourself fail. Fail and pick yourself up and fail again. Without that struggle, what is your success anyway?” –Charlie Day

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God damn, just came across a post by Stuart McMillan (while perusing the internet as I'm trying to write - yes, I shouldn't do that): "If you're not uncomfortable, then you're probably stuck at an 'acceptable level.'" -Cal Newport

Control

Everything is within your control. Not everything, of course, but a lot more than you think.

Might as well start acting like it.

How We Face Fear

It really came together for me while reading a book to my son, called Franklin is Scared of the Dark (or something along those lines), about a turtle who is scared of small, dark places. For a turtle, this is clearly problematic, as inside his shell is a small, dark place. The rest of the book follows Franklin as he approaches other animals, asking if they could possibly help him. Each of the animals has their own fear which (predictably) is tied to their particular characteristics (a duck afraid of deep water, a lion afraid of loud noises, etc.). Each of these animals has developed a method of insulating themselves from their fears, such as the duck wearing water wings, the lion wearing ear muffs, and so on. While none of this directly helps Franklin, he does realize he can turn on a nightlight while inside his shell in order to get past his fear of the dark.
It illustrates perfectly the problems most of us - present company included - encounter when dealing with fear. Rather than acknowledging our vulnerability, and facing the fear, we seek ways to insulate ourselves from it. We excuse it away, often justifying its legitimacy, we develop reasons why we can't address it, we cloak fear as boredom, or it presents itself as doubt. No matter how it shows itself, fear keeps us from accomplishing what we set out to do. Or at least it does for me.
In reality, rather than shielding ourselves from these fears, the best course of action is, in my opinion at least, to own up to it, to face it, and to continue on in the face of it. Some of these fears are completely legitimate. But that doesn't mean we have to let it stop us. As the saying goes, "courage is not the absence of fear. It is having fear, but doing it anyway."
GI Joe always said "knowing is half the battle." But I disagree, at least in this instance. Recognizing the fear, and how it is cloaking itself, is a great start. But it is not half the battle. Being ready to own up and forge ahead in the face of the fear is half the battle. Then it is merely a matter of continuing to take a step every time fear beats you backward. As with almost any fear, the more you face it, the less it remains. So take that first step, keep moving forward, and someday, it will likely abate.